And now for something completely different: ‘The Bachelor’ week 6 review

What? You say it’s weird to start The Bachelor reviews/recaps halfway through the season? Well, get ready because it’s happening.

First of all, I’m not really invested in The Bachelor. I don’t know the history behind all of the bachelors through the years, I don’t know Chris Harrison’s life story, and when the season finale airs I continue on with my normal programming. But there’s one thing I do know: The Bachelor is GOOD TV.

Okay, not like The Office good or Shonda Rhimes good. It’s good because it’s SO DRAMATIC and SO EASY to make fun of and joke about! Monday nights at my house have become less about The Bachelor and more about me practicing my stand-up routine on my roommates. (I’m so sorry to those who live with me.)

I am continually shocked that women on The Bachelor have trouble sharing a man with 29 other women when that is the literally the premise of the entire show. And I will continue to scream at my TV screen until they get that it is ridiculous to be upset about that.

Anyway, week 6 was easily my favorite week to date. While I really only started watching The Bachelor because my roommates watch it, this episode had me glued to the TV. Because week 6 has all the components of a really juicy reality TV episode: conflict between cast members, someone leaving in a dramatic fashion, and of course, (slight, but in good fun) physical violence.

In a phenomenon coined the “Blond-Out,” Colton really started getting ~serious~ and getting rid of anyone who wasn’t a hot blonde, with the exception of one woman. But really, who is surprised. I mean, look at Colton.

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The episode started off by concluding a “to be continued” from last week involving a tiff between Onyeka and Nicole about bullying and, per usual, people’s “true intentions” of why they were on the show. Both women were trying to bring down the reputation of the other, which (shocker) didn’t work out for either of them, because when does petty conflict on The Bachelor ever work out for the contestants involved?

So immediately, this episode was already great, because I love karma and her messed up sense of humor. Also, I’m not talking about the one-on-ones because they weren’t fun (i.e. dramatic af) this week.

And then it was time for the group date, which fittingly, as tensions are high in the house and this week is a pivotal week for deciding who goes to hometowns, involved fighting. You evil producers, you.

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But the real gem of the episode was the glaringly obvious fact that Colton is doing this whole bachelor thing wrong. Both this week and last week, Colton has been dumped, when it seems like he should be the one doing the dumping? Like I said, I’m not a Bachelor connoisseur, but come on, dude.

Sydney left mid-group date, which was a thing. Maybe it’s because I just generally don’t pay attention to half of the contestants on The Bachelor, but I was just kind of meh about the whole Sydney leaving thing. However, I do think it was pretty admirable that she realized he wasn’t worth her time and took it upon herself to get out of there, rather than sticking around for D-list reality TV show fame.

BUT THEN (maybe another one-on-one happened between these two events, but like I said before, boring), Demi went to visit Colton in his bedroom, which, in my limited Bachelor experience, rarely goes well for people. Basically, she put it all out on the table (telling Colton she was falling in love with him, yada yada yada…) and then Colton swiftly proceeded to crush her dreams and say he couldn’t see himself with her at the end.

My question is, why on EARTH did Colton greet her with a smile, invite her to come inside, leisurely grab some champagne, and chat for a little bit before giving her the boot? I mean, I admire that when confronted with Demi confessing her love, he realized that’s not what he wanted. But how long was he planning on keeping that up before sending her home? If she hadn’t snuck into his bedroom, would he have just strung her along until hometowns?

Maaaybe the producers of the show realized Demi’s crazy antics were quickly making her a fan favorite and prominent source of drama and encouraged Colton to keep her longer than he would have preferred. I dunno, just a theory.

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And finally, the cherry on top of this episode — when Katie left, she affirmed what other contestants had mentioned to Colton, by alluding to the fact that some of the women who remained weren’t ready for what he’s ready for.

The tea is boiling and I am SO READY to tune in next week for more drama, disillusioned love stories and (hopefully?) Colton’s highly anticipated dramatic fence jump.

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